There was an eerie sound. Before the door slowly opened, and nine gargantuan dogs appeared.Their teeth bared, eyeing me before pouncing. I managed to slip away in the nick of time,in that moment I was out the barn doors, I glanced behind me and saw these brutes of animals still chasing me. As I was looking back I saw all the animals shocked and amazed at the events that were happening. I sprinted along the pasture as if I was in the 100 metre dash,I ran as fast as my four legs could take me, but the dogs were hot on the heels of my trotter. I suddenly slipped. I regained my footing and continued (running faster than ever). They gained on me. One clamped its jaws on my tail. But I whisked away safely.Then I put on an extra spurt and, with a few inches to spare, slipped through a hole in the hedge and was seen no more…
The Running Of Snowball
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One response to “The Running Of Snowball”
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Hello Meschach,
I can see that you have used commas to identify where your clauses should be. There are points in your piece where the vocabulary really suits the character (whisked, pasture, brutes) but there are others where your vocabulary doesn’t suit (for example: running faster than ever).
Target:
1) Ensure all of your vocabulary suits your character/purpose;
2) Consolidate your use of commas and different sentence structures.Thanks,
Mr North
React!